Santiago Productions Presents...
A Gruber/Warren Film
Santiago...AS...Li Mu Bai
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Llama
Suva, Fiji June 14, 2001: Fijian Recording Studios
"Boss, we have a serious problem!"
"What, what is it?"
"Its Yo Yo Ma. He broke his arm! He can't play!"
"NO!! Quickly hold auditions for a new cello player, and do it fast. Its not going to be easy to find a replacement for Yo Yo."
The next day...
"This is it. These are all the people who responded to the auditions."
"But they all suck! We need someone with style, someone with grace, someone-"
The boss was cut off by an ominous cello sounding tune coming through the air vent. The kind of music that hypnotizes you with beauty, the kind that shocks you, the kind that makes you stand still even if you have to go to the bathroom, and you end up pissing your pants. Man I hate it when that happens. Anyway it was good music.
"Someone like that! I want that cello! Follow the music, get me that cello!"
So four stage hands followed the music to the basement. They slowly and cautiously opened the door to the basement and saw...
"Ian Fedelli! Here! Its not possible!"
"Oh but it is." said Ian
"The boss wants you!"
"I know he does. Come follow me."
Nadi, Fiji June 12 1001
"Master Li has returned home!" yelled an excited old Fijian man. Li Mu Bai, the epic warrior was returning home from a long meditation period, on Macchu Picchu. When he returned home, he met with his old friend, Shu Lien. "Li! How was your meditation on Macchu Picchu? Did you reach holy bliss with the Santiago?" "No, I left early. I thought I had arrived, but I did not feel totally, 100%, grade A Holy. I fear that I must stop being a rogue warrior." "Huh! But it has been your life long dream to be a rogue warrior!" "I know, I fear I must give up my sword, too. I will give it to Sir Tea. Are you going to Suva soon?" "The Fijian Destiny! Are you serious about stopping your warrior days?" "Yes, I must. So when are you going to Suva?" "But Li, you had such-" "WHEN THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO SUVA!" "Oh, right, tomorrow." "Then you will take me with you."
The next day, the two old friends (by the way, Li is a man and Shu Lien is a woman) left for the ancient Fijian capital city of Suva. The journey was quick, and they arrived at Sir Tea's house late in the afternoon. "My good friend, Li. What are you doing here?" "I'm afraid I must give you this as a gift. Do you know if we can get some room and board here?" "But Li! This is the Fijian Destiny. Why would you give up such a magical sword?" "I am afraid I am done with my warrior business. Can we get some room and board here?" "But Li, why would-" "CAN WE GET SOME DAMN ROOM AND BOARD!" "Oh, right, yeah sure you can stay here." "Good." Sir Tea then took both Li and Shu on a tour of his home. "And here we have several statues from the late Baroque Period, and as I always say, if its not baroque, don't fix it! ha, aha, ha!" Then they came to the room where Sir Tea kept his ancient weapons. But standing in front of the weapons was a girl, dressed like royalty. "Oh yes, how could I forget. The Governor is staying with me for the next week. This is his daughter, Jen. Jen this is the ancient warrior Li Mu Bai and his friend Shu." "Please to meet you, but what are you doing here?" "Li has decided to stop with his fighting." "Really why?" "I don't feel it is for me. How is your father?" "Oh, but fighting a warriors life must be so much fun." "No, I don't feel like I belong anymore. How is your father?" "But it is so mysterious and wonderful and-" "HOW THE HELL IS YOUR FATHER?" "What? Oh he is fine. Shu Lien, won't you join me for tea?" "Certaintly." Shu Lien and Jen walked away to Jen's room.