Santiago Pictures Presents
Partisimo-Frank re-named Pavorotti
Guy who flies of boat and hits propeller-Jack
Poker Players-Tyler and Samuel
In a home in Arizona a little old lady was watching the TV set when all of a sudden she screamed, "Ah! A Hanson concert!" She kept flipping through channels when she saw a show about titanic. She saw that they were showing a picture of a girl in a sloth costume. The TV said, "If you know anything about the whereabouts of this lady please call Americas most wanted. Just kidding! Call us at 1-800-CALL-US." The lady immediately picked up the phone and dialed. "Hello, do you know anything about the lady in the picture." "Why yes, thats me!"
On a ship where they were broad casting from they immediately talked about the lady. They were trying to find the heart of the ocean. A rare diamond that that lady had owned. They had a submersible dive down and recover a safe in which they thought that the jewel was in. "Pay day boys!" They brought it up to surface and everyone crowded around as he slowly opened it. He brushed away several papers. "I found it!" "You found the Jewel?" "No, my birth certificate! Man Ive been looking for this thing! Sorry I didnt find the jewel." They decided to bring the lady onto the ship to see if she had the jewel. When she got there they brought her into a room with lots of video screens projected from the submersible. She looked at the pictures, and seemed disturbed. "Are you ready to rumble! I mean go back to Titanic?" "I thought it sank?" "Yes it did, but were going to look at it." "Oh, I see." "Can you tell us about your story on titanic?"
"Well it started along time ago. I when I arrived at the titanic docking bay in Suva. There were thousands of people wishing relatives goodbye. I said to my mom, "This ship isnt that big!" "Yes it is darling! And very luxurious!" "Luxurious! I bet it doesnt even have an espresso machine!" I was very spoiled then, you know. Mean while a young boy name Jack was paying a game of poker in a lounge
"I cant believe you bet our tickets!" said one of the Poker players.
"Shut up!" said another one.
Jack was amused at there fighting. They played the round. His friend Pavorotti threw out a three pair. The other player threw out a full house. Then the next player threw out a straight flush.
"You arent going to see your mother for a long time Pavorotti." Jack threw out a straight.
"Were going to America." he screamed.
"Wait a minute! A straight doesnt beat a straight flush!" yelled a poker player.
Just then Pavorotti and Jack grabbed the tickets and ran out the door to board the titanic.
"Get back here!"
Jack and Pavorotti boarded. They went to their cabins and flung their stuff onto their bunks. Everyone stared at them;
"Uh, ok we love you, bye bye!"
Then Jack and Pavorotti ran to the bow of the gigantic ship, "Im the king of the, oops!"
And with that he fell over the side. After a long and tedious search they found him. Back on board they watched the entire crowd staring and throwing confetti as the ship left. Jack spit over the side.
"Hey! Who did that!"
And jack disappeared into the ship. Back with Rose and her fiancée Demitri.
"But I dont want to marry him mother! I dont love him." "Enough of this! You know that our family needs the money!"
With that Rose broke into song.
"I dont want to "
"Shut up! Ill have no singing on this ship!"
And with that Rose went off to a party. They partied all night and day. Rose got sick and tiered of all of the parties that she felt like suicide. She went to the end of the ship and said,
"I cant take it any more!"
And with that she jumped of the ship. Luckily for everybody except her she was on the 5th deck and she smashed onto the 4th deck. Still with fury in her eyes she jumped off of the 4th deck and smashed into the 3rd deck and bounced off that onto the 2nd and then fell right into Jacks arms on the 1st deck. Rose screamed because she didnt commit suicide. Several crewmembers rushed to her aid. They thought that Jack was going to kill her. She explained that she slipped over the deck and he happened to catch her.
"I think we should reward him!" said Rose
"How about a twenty? Will that do good?" said Demitri.
"Is that the cost of saving your girlfriend nowadays?" inquired Rose.
"Fine would you like to dine with us?"
"Sure!" said Jack.
Rose and Jack then met frequently on the ship. One day Rose asked,
"Whats in that stupid portfolio you always carry around!" "Theyre pictures of women dressed in sloth costumes."
He showed them to her.
"Wow. Theyre pretty good!" exclaimed Rose.
Later when it was time for Jack to dine with them he couldnt find a good suit. He went to the mens dressing room. They had many fine suits.
"Tuxedo, Clown Suit, Loin cloth. Hmm, Ill take the Tuxedo."
So he borrowed the suit. At the party he saw the room and how it was super fancy.
"How am I supposed to eat with 30 knives?" asked Jack.
"You dont. 29 are used to kill the waiter. Dont tell anyone!"
When the main course was done the waiter slowly removed the top of the dish. Everyone panicked,
"Scargo! Not that!" They yelled.
Then everybody took their knives and threw them through the waiters heart. So then they ordered another meal. Then had a nice chat. Jack passed Rose a note. It read: Meet me at the big shiny clock at 2:00. So after the party Rose went to the Clock. Jack was there,
"Are you ready for a real party?"
So Jack and Rose went down to the 3rd class party. They were playing Pokka music and dancing around the room.
"Polka! Not that!"
They started dancing with Rose;
"No really thats ok I dont feel like dancing!"
But they danced and danced. Then Jack danced with Rose.
"Ow! You stepped on my toe Jack!"
Then after the party they both ran to the engine room while Jacks servant ran after them. While in the engine room the Servant tumbled into a huge pump.
"Ha ha ha ha ha!"
Then they ran throughout the cargo area and hopped into a fancy model-t with all of the giant stacks of packages all around them. Then they Censored Censored Censored Censored Censored Censored Censored Censored Censored. Ok were back.
Demerit's servant had been told by an engine room worker that they were in the car he opened the car door and there was no one in there. Then he caught up to them just as they rode up an elevator. He watched them disappear.
Mean while in the captains room.
"Sir I recommend that we go twice as fast to show what this ship can do!"
"No! We will hit an iceberg!"
"Do it!" So the ship went twice as fast.
Later in the night Rose wanted herself to be painted with the sloth suit on. So Jack painted her with the sloth suit on. And that was good. Later Jack went away. Rose wasn't allowed to talk to Jack. Later Rose was walking on the deck when Jack pulled her into a door way.
They went and had fun doing who knows what. Later he and Rose were walking back to her room. The Servant was at the door. He slipped the heart of the ocean into Jacks pocket as he entered the room. Demitri was in the room,
"He did it! He stole the jewel!"
The Policeman searched him and found the Jewel.
"How do you explain this?"
"Uh, I found it at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box?"
They immediately locked him up. Later Rose was crying because she lost Jack,
"Jackio? Jackio? Where art thou Jackio?"
"Locked up! Duh!"
Later Rose was walking down the hallways of the ship when they met up with Mr. Andrews he looked worried.
"Mr. Andrews!" Rose queried, "Whats wrong?"
"Well you see I was about to print out my q-card when the server I had happen to log on because my other on was destroyed by the 34I.90 virus destroyed my beta protocol and then "
"Well I cant quite seem to remember!"
Just then there was a loud creaking as the ship was jolted all three of them were thrown to the floor.
"I remember now! This is when the ship starts to sink!
Batten down the hatches! Fire the starboard guns! All hands on deck!"
Rose was startled. Demitri tried to stop her but she ran and tried to find Jack.
Meanwhile on deck the captain was frantic,
"What was that? Call the crows nest!"
On the crows nest they picked up the phone,
"The white whale! Wait a minute! That's no whale! That's and iceberg!"
Rose ran down the 10-flight stairway in the center of the ship. She was running down the second step when she stopped. Thought. Then ran all the way back up and slid down the banister. When she got to the lower decks a stewardess stopped her,
"Please keep all hands and legs inside the ship at all time. Please return your trays to the upright position. Please get the hell out of here!"
Rose ignored her and ran past. When she got to the lower levels she began to look for jack in waist high water. Then all of a sudden she saw a shark fin in the water!
"Go While!" Then the shark smashed her all the way down a hall into an ax holder.
She grabbed the ax. She kept wandering, "Here sharkie! sharkie! sharkie!"
In the cell Jack could see out the door and saw Rose walking by, "I will find you, sharkie!"
"My god she's insane!"
Just then Rose popped her head back througth the door frame. "I know what you did last summer!"
"Nooooo! Quickly Rose! Try to free me!"
She walked over.
"Try to hit that chest." She swung and missed the chest entirely.
"Ok, practice is good. Now try to hit my handcuffs."
He put his hand cuffs up against a pipe. Rose swung.
"You did it! You did it!"
Jack looked at his hands. She had chopped his hand off.
"Good enough!" They ran back up deck. They met up with Jacks friends.
"Hey! Long time no see!"
"What are you talking about?! I can see perfectly well!"
They were running down a hallway when they came to a gate that the guard had locked.
"Sorry. This checkout isle is closed."
"We need to get through! Rose? Do you still have that ax?"
Rose took a swing. She was about to bring the ax down upon the the gate when she lost her grip and the ax flew into the waiting crowd.
"Gasp! My neck!"
Then Jack and his friends picked up a bench and broke through the gate.
"Follow me ladies!"
And all the Scottish bagpippers joined in as they marched up to the deck. When they got up on deck they all parted. Rose went to get in a life boat.
"Go on without me Rose!" Just then Demitri appeared.
"Your a good lier Jack."
"Sticks and bones will brake my bones but words will never h-" Just then a dictionary flew out of nowhere and smashed into his head.
"Never mind that!"
Just then as they were watching rose be lowered out of sight into the ocean she jumped onto one of the lower decks. She ran to the grand stairway in knee high water. Jack ran to her.
"Why did you do that? That was a beverage flight!"
Then they kissed and smooched and so on until Demitri ran with his servant to the top of the stair way. They looked at them kissing. Demitri was infuriated! He grabbed his servants assault rifle and started blasting away at them.
"You can run but you cant hide!"
Bullets ricocheted off everything. Bullets smashed into the wall shattering the wood. Bullets splashed into the ground. Bullets splashed in to the water. Jack and Rose decided to leave,
"Ok! I love you! Bye-bye!"
They ran through the halls with Dimitri blasting after them. Then Dimitri gave up and decided to get on a life boat. They would only let men on that had a baby. He grabbed someone's child.
"Like stealing baby from a candy! Ur.. Somthing like that!" Then he got into a life boat. Up on deck in another life boat Jack's friends couldn't get into a boat.
"Hey what's wrong with you! Why wont you let us into the boats?!" He then ran to the edge to jump into the boat. The guard shot him before he got in.
"Ha ha! Missed my heart!"
Then the impact of the bullet threw him over the railing. "Whoa! Oops! Nooo!"
And he died. The other guy said,
"I cant take it any more and jumped into the side with many others.
Now there were hundreds of people floating in the water. All of the people had huddled together for warmth when...shark fins started to circle them!
They tried to fight off the sharks. Jack and Rose had ran from there hiding spot and went on deck. The ship was leaning into the ocean.
"Rose, we need to get to the highest part of the ship!"
So they ran to the top of the ship. Right when they thought they were safe... an iceberg surfaced under the ship and the ship broke in half.
"Man! We lose more boats that way!"
Jack and Rose were at the top of the ship holding onto the railing. People on either side of them were slipping down the deck and sliding several hundred feet to the ocean. Jack and Rose got on top of the bar. The ship was now vertical. The ship slowly sank into the ocean. People were still jumping over. The ship was about to sink when Jack said,
"When this boat goes under it will try to suck us down with it." Jack grabbed her hand.
"So you have to hold on tight!"
She then released her grip on Jack and got a death grip on the railing.
"What are you doing?!"
"I'll never let go Jack! Ill ne-" and with that she sank out of sight. Jack swam away to get to safety.
Back in the captain's room. The captain went in the air tight room with a lot of food and water. He locked the door from the outside.
"Now I'm safe!" He went to get a glass of water. When he turned the water on the handle broke of.
"Nooooo!" And with that the room filled with water and he died.
Back out side...Jack was near a board when Rose popped up next to him.
Now get on that board so you don't freeze.
She got on the board.
"Oh, no! Rose promise me one thing!"
"Never let go Rose!"
"Ok! I won't!"
While they were talking Willie snuck up behind them. He jumped through the air, and came down on Jack taking him to the bottom.
She looked around. There were several boats scanning the waters of dead bodies for survivors. They came over to Rose.
"Come on get into the boat."
"Never! You can't make me!" They made her.
"So that's what happened on Titanic."
"I think I'm going to go rest now."
Before resting she went to the Bow of the ship and stared into the water. For a minute she thought she saw a squid. But she brushed the thought off. She then took out the heart of the ocean and dropped it into the water. Later in her cabin she died. She was taken to the Grand stair case in the titanic where all the people that were on Titanic stood there waiting for her in there dress suits. Jack stood at the top of the stairway. She looked at herself. She was young again. She walked up to him. They everyone started chanting,
"We will survive! We will go on! We will live on! We will survive!"
And so they danced throughout the night.