Santiago Productions Presents...
The Forest Creatures...............Coquis
Thumper's Lover...........................Josh S.
Just to prepare you for OUR version of Bambi we suggest that you view these pictures....(It also might help to watch Saving Private Ryan a few times too.)
A long time ago, a camera panned the forest. All of a sudden, swooping out of the corner of the screen, comes an owl. The owl tiredly landed on a tree and began to fall asleep. "A PRINCE!! A prince! A new prince has been born!!!" screamed the birds loudly. "HOLY @!%&!!" screamed the owl. "Oh, its only you." And then one by one, the animals awoke and began to make there way over to a small area, where the new prince of the forest slept, with his mother by his side. "Well," said the owl, "a tired little one eh." he chuckled to himself. All of a sudden Bambi jumped forward tackling the owl to the ground. "I happen to be very awake!" "Oh yes, well, I'll just go. Stupid caffeine!" "Gee momma," said Thumper, "he is trying to walk!" All of a sudden the forest broke into song. "HE IS TRYING TO WALK, HE IS TRYING TO WALK! HE IS TRYING TO WALK, HE IS TRYING TO WALK!" "Shut up!" screamed Bambi's mother. "Geeze, if there is one thing I don't need its that stupid song. How would you like to give birth to a beast like that and then have to listen to that song!?" "I think we should leave them alone." said the squirrel a little tentatively. As Thumper began to walk away, Bambi chose to follow him. Far above the commotion stood the proud king of the forest, father of Bambi. "Yup," he said to his friend, the other deer, "that is my son. I figure by the time he is twelve we should have him shooting a twelve gauge." said the father, in a deep southern accent and shooting tobacco out of the corner of his mouth. Then when Bambi woke up in the morning he was trying to get up, sticking his butt high into the air. He finally got up walking sideways. He then met up with several quails. They walked in a perfectly straight line. "HELLLOO YOUNG PRIIINCE!!!! And so they walked off in a perfectly straight line. Then thumper came along. "HEY YOUNG PRINCE!!!" Bambi followed him into an opening in the forest where there were birds. "Look young prince! A Bird!" Bambi stared. "Say BIIIRRRRRRDD!" "Boid" "Boid" "Boid". (From this point on Bambi had a problem saying boid, I mean bird.) From there Bambi went around meeting all of the animals of the forest. "HI BAMBI!!!" "HOW'S IT GOING BAMBI!!" "HEY BAMBI THIS COUPON IS FOR THE CRUNCHY PEANUT BUTTER!!!" He then Met thumper again it a meadow. "HEY BAMBI!!!! TRY EATING FLOWERS!!!!!" Bambi remembered his teacher telling him to just say no to FLOWERS in health class. Thumpers mother chimed in, "Remember what your father said!!!!" "Soup is good food." That's right. Bambi quickly left and went prancing through the meadow. He soon looked into the water deeply. He then saw himself in the water next to another deer his size, and another and another and another!!!! He looked up and he was surrounded by hundreds of Felines. They all giggled and pranced after him. Bambi screamed and ran into the bushes where he landed in a puddle of water. Then all of the Felines started tying him up with pool noodles and throwing little plastic balls at him. Finally after the mother deer made them release him he ran back to his mother. Bambi then wandered off into another part of the meadow where there was many Bucks were jumping off cliffs with extraordinary precision. Bambi followed them and took a running leap a the cliff. Unpleasantly Bambi found himself falling off a 40 foot cliff onto a pile of jagged rocks. Poor little bugger! I salute you! Blam! "Uh... What happened to Bambi? CUT!!!! Lights! Lights! Close Cam-" -BEEP BEEP BEEP PLEASE EXIT THE BUILDING USING THE STAIRWELL, DO NOT USE THE ELEVATORS.- -BEEP BEEP BEEP PLEASE EXIT THE BUILDING USING THE STAIRWELL, DO NOT USE THE ELEVATORS.- -BEEP BEEP BEEP PLEASE EXIT THE BUILDING USING THE STAIRWELL, DO NOT USE THE ELEVATORS.- -BEEP BEEP BEEP PLEASE EXIT THE BUILDING USING THE STAIRWELL, DO NOT USE THE ELEVATORS.- Ok we're back. After Bambi was recuperated he sulked over to where all the deer just stood silently. Then a big strong deer came walking out of the forest. All the deer just stood and stared at him. All the heads just moving in syncopation. Woooooww. Then a shot rang out scaring the narrator half to death and sending the fauns fleeing through the meadow. The Bucks quickly got into fighting positions. Then everything went quiet. "Where did the hunters go?" Some dear whispered. Then they emerged slowly through the bushes at the bottom of the hill and they let out a shrill rebel yell and fired. The deer charged. A few deer were lost in the first charge but most survived. The deer ran past the dead to charge into the Hunters. One deer lay there with its intestines at its side. The deer got up to the hunters and rammed their horns through the hunters stomachs. Then more hunters appeared at the top of the hill. The deer screamed, "We can't win! Run away! Run away!" And they sprinted back to there home-meadow. Back in the home meadow the high council of deer were speaking. "Where did that come from? These attacks can not continue anymore. We have already lost many deer. And what's with airplane food? I'm trying to find a dog to feed it to, while the guy next to me is asking for thirds!!!" The deer sat and pondered.
Winter came and Bambi and his mother had trouble finding food. So they just ate bark off of trees. "But mom I hate bark! Were not even supposed to eat it! Look it says right here in my diction-" "Don't want to hear what type of food you hate! You won't get no desert till you finish your plate, so eat it! Just eat it!" And so Bambi was just so tempted that he ran out into the meadow. "Heeeeeeeyyyy!!! Graaaass!!!!" And so Bambi and his mother ate the grass. The mood was tense. Bambi's mother was muttering something. The night was dark and eerie. I'd say that something was about to happen!
Scott, I'd say you're right! All of a sudden, out of the corner of the meadow, a regiment of hunters emerged and ambushed Bambi and his mother! While Bambi ran for his life, his mother turned to try and fight the hunters. All of a sudden Bambi heard a shot and turned around. His mother had died! GASP! However, when the hunters turned towards Bambi, he stood there, the hunters thought they would get another quick deer, but all of a sudden, the king of the deer ran out to protect Bambi! While they brought Bambi back to safety, the deer organized a brutal counter attack against the hunters. They charged the center group of hunters, ripping through their ranks, quickly the hunters fell back in an attempt to regroup. But the deer were ready, and launched another attack to the rear of the hunters, cutting off their escape, and killing more. Soon, most of the hunters were either dead, or had escaped to the rear of the battlefield. The deer had won a victory, but alas, Bambi's mother was dead. For the rest of the Winter, Bambi lived with his father and the troops, learning the trades of the military, and becoming quite education. He was no longer the little pussy (is that appropriate?) he used to be.
Well, winter was over and spring had come along. The owl was resting in his tree when all of a sudden, the tree began to shake. He looked down to see Bambi.
"What the HELL are you doing here?! Get the Hell out of here!"
"What don't you remember me owl owl?" said Bambi (Note: As of now, Bambi no longer has a childish voice but a very gay voice, please try to imagine the change!)
"Why, it is the young prince!"
"Yup!" said Bambi
All of a sudden, Bambi heard a thumping sound and turned around.
"Hi fellas!" said Thumper in some sort of gay, maturing, sorta raspy voice.
"Thumper!" Bambi recalled his old friend.
"Hi guys!" came Flower from the corner of the flower patch.
"Flower!" It was such a happy little reunion! All of a sudden, the reuniting animals saw two birds flying around gleefully singing a song.
"What is wrong with them?" asked Bambi
"Well don't you know? asked owl. "They're twiterpated!
"Twiterpated, in other words, to make it nice and short, they are in love. Y'know, weak feeling in your knees, you're walking on air? No? Never happened, well it'll happen soon."
"Well, not to me!" said Thumper, in that gay voice of his.
"Me neither!" said the others.
And so they marched off down the path in the forest. However, soon, Flower saw a female in the flower patch and began to feel twiterpated, he quickly ran off with her, leaving Bambi and Thumper to themselves.
"HM!" said Bambi "Twiterpated!"
They continued to march down the road. Eventually, as they continued walking, a female rabbit saw Thumper and liked him. She quickly distracted him and rna off with him. Bambi turned around just in time to see Thumper following her. "HM!" he said. Soon Bambi got tired so he sat down to get a drink at a pond. All of a sudden, he saw Feline's reflection. "HUH!" Bambi had never experienced to the opposite sex. He soon felt like the owl told him. He was walking on air. Unfortunately, he got so high, a plane hit him. But Bambi is okay, he is a HARBOR CHICK! Right? Bambi? CUT!!!! Lights! Lights! Close Cam-" -BEEP BEEP BEEP PLEASE EXIT THE BUILDING USING THE STAIRWELL, DO NOT USE THE ELEVATORS.- -BEEP BEEP BEEP PLEASE EXIT THE BUILDING USING THE STAIRWELL, DO NOT USE THE ELEVATORS.- -BEEP BEEP BEEP PLEASE EXIT THE BUILDING USING THE STAIRWELL, DO NOT USE THE ELEVATORS.- -BEEP BEEP BEEP PLEASE EXIT THE BUILDING USING THE STAIRWELL, DO NOT USE THE ELEVATORS.- Ok we're back. Meanwhile, another deer saw Bambi and was jealous, so he attacked Bambi. Luckily, Bambi had learned much about fighting when he lived with the deer troops over the winter. So Bambi was able to defeat the deer. Bambi and Feline were soon running around having a good time, but all of that was about to end.
All of a sudden, the hunters entered the forest, opening fire on the helpless animals. "RETREAT!" was the only sound you could hear in the treacherous moments. The hunters cut down many retreating rabbits, skunks and birds. After the devastating assault, a High Counsel was convened so the animals could exact revenge. "I say we blow the (censored) up!" "Alright, all in favor, say yeah." "YEAH" came the unanimous roar. "Alright then, lets go kill some people!" "Yean!" Bambi was chosen to be Lieutenant General of the Deer, he would command the right wing of the Deer assault. their plan was simple, launch a diversionary attack to the rear, flank the hunter's camp, cut off their escape, and drive through the center, hopefully killing everyone who stood in their way. As the attack went underway, Bambi's troops arrived in full battle gear, with face paint, and shiny horns! Bambi gave a quick, but emotional speech, "I was looking at Jack's grave yesterday and it lost the entertainer so it was Beloved of Santiago" And he wept. "KILL THE HUNTERS!" "YEAH!" came the reply from Bambi's troops. "CHARGE!!" Bambi's deer came running full force down the side of a hill, crashing in to the weakly defended right wing on the hunters. Bambi personally lead the attack, as they killed the hunters. The diversionary attack had been a success, and the hunters were trapped. Bambi's forces viciously cut down wave after wave of hunters, soon they were in a headlong retreat, leaving behind lots of valuable equipment that would later be used by the deer in combat. "TAKE NO PRISONERS!" came a valiant cry by the General of the deer. Once again, Bambi rallied his forces and destroyed the retreating hunters, as Bambi looked over the battlefield, all he could see was dead and dying hunters and animals, it had been a vicious fight, but victory was theirs. All of a sudden, a bullet hit Bambi in the leg! "Sir, are you okay?" asked one of the deer. "Medic! We need a medic!" Quickly, a squirrel came running over to the injured general. "You'll be okay sir!" Bambi looked up again to see the battle field. It wasn't a pleasant sight, there was blood and gore and guts and veins and m' teeth. Bambi grited his teeth. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!, why did my coupon have to expire yesterday!!!"As Bambi was carried away on his stretcher, the General approached him. "Congratulations son, you've been promoted. You were good kid, real good. But as long as I'm around you'll only be second best."
Bambi quickly recovered from his wounds. He had been promoted to General of the Army because of his strategic planning in the Battle of the Meadow. Over the next few months, Bambi and Feline's (the faundo) romance blossomed, and so did the hatred of the hunters for the deer. A daring attack was planned by the hunters to finally destroy the deer. In a small night raid, they would burn down the forest, and as the animals run away from the burning forest, they would be killed by the hunters as they retreated. In the middle of the night, while all the animals slept, and there was only a small detachment of birds and deer guarding the entrance to the forest, a hunter squad, armed with flame throwers, entered the forest, yelling out a vicious rebell cries, unloading their gallons of gas and flame, and burning the community. The animals, caught completely caught by surprise were startled, and when they tried to escape the forest, the hunters shot them. It was a slaughter. The hunters stoped and ate the roasted deer. (You should try it! Tastes like chicken) Hundreds of animals were killed, and many more homes destroyed. As the hunters left the next morning, the only thing that remained of the forest was burnt down tree stumps, and a couple of untouched areas near the pond. Slowly, the surviving animals crept up from their destroyed homes. Bambi stood upon a hill and looked over all the destruction that had come about from the last raid. It was devastating. Then a bullet hit him in the abdomen with excruciating force, that's when he blacked out. It was a disaster.
I'd say your right Josh! The animals then retreated to a small camp in the outer reaches of their territory where they took shelter. They organized battle plans. Your probably asking "WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO BAMBI!!!!!!! Well he was saved and taken care of and pampered, and ect. Now this was a southern town and there was stagecoaches rolling across the sandy road as they entered. The old wooden buildings on either side of the road and the shadows gave it the look of some scene in blazing saddles. At first it appeared to be a ghost town but then hundreds of frogs jumped out. "We welcome you to munchkin land Fa la la la la la la la la la, uh....Sup!?" They brought the deer into a hospital auditorium room. "Presenting the wonderful Miss Shicklegruber! Hail Shicklegruber!" "I'm tired of Wuv!!!! They come they go I'm tired!" The deer enjoyed it while frank complained it was a waste of the movie. Then a hunter swat team ran into the room with Uzi's and strafed. The deer barley had time to get cover and return fire. The deer were pined down. Bambi stated, "I'll provide a distraction if you cover me!" Bambi then jumped up and sprinted towards the hunters with two AK-47s slung around his shoulders. He then did a barrel roll running off the wall with his guns blasting. Hunters fell like flies. He then jumped ten feet off the ground and started kicking the main hunter in the chest. When Bambi hit the ground he immediately went into a break dance firing his guns at the hunters until they were all dead. "Hey Bambi nice shooting!" The general came up to him "You've just been given the Medal of honor Medal of courage Medal of skill Medal of break dancing Medal of purple heart Medal of blue heart Medal of orange heart Medal of brown heart and the medal of turquoise heart." "Uh... Thanks, I guess!"
Bambi walked out of the saloon. Sagebrush rolled by as Bambi looked up and saw another deer with dark, long shadow spread across the ground towards him and a deep voice spoke, "I've been waiting for you! Last time we met I was the apprentice. But now I am the master!" Then the deer quickly drew two magnums and fired at Bambi! Bambi rolled across the ground dodging the bullets and drawing his own Colt .45! He took two shots at the deer, but the deer leapt forward, barley missing the bullets. The deer then fired again and the bullet landed between Bambi's legs and Bambi crawled away on his back saying, "Whoa there! All my rowdy friends have settled down!" Bambi then leaped up dodging bullets and fired hitting the deer square in the heart (You have all heard that if you shoot a deer in the brain it runs away before collapses). "Ouch! This really hurts! Let me try to get up...Ahhh! Can you please throw me some antiseptic cream, or a bandaid? Anyone?" And so Bambi walked away victorious.
That night was a quiet and still night. Bambi couldn't sleep and he was worried about the hunters coming. When he looked outside his window he saw a few hunter scouts looking around. Bambi ran out the door "The Hunters are coming! The hunters are coming!!!" And so all the deer got up and dranks some coffe and got ready to battle. Then thousands of hunters charged out of the darkness at the deer. The deer were pinned down. Bambi lead a force to try to outflank the hunters. The hunters had already thought of that and Bambi's troops were up agains anothere army of hunters. Bambi led a brave assault on there western flank exposing his own left flank. Relizing his mistake he quickly tried to overcome the hunters before they took advantage of the situation. Luckily for him the hunters had a lack of communication and they were quickly pushed down the street. Bambi then got to an ally way that was controlled by the hunters. He decided to make a hastly defence on the current streen and charge down the ally. Meanwhile the deer were still pinned down and the hunters were slowly advancing. The deer had made a few disasterous charges under the command of bambi's dad in attempt to break up the hunters ranks. Then all of a sudden a group of Cristians busted in, "We're going to kill you all!!!!" Meanwhile bambi raced down an allyway. From his new post he could see the hunters weakness. He quickly gathered up his regiments and charged down a side street leading to the hunters main forces' east flank. Bambi led a brave charge wiping out many of the hunters. Hundreds of hunters were left dead bleeding to death on the ground after the dagger like horns of the deer tore through there abdomen. Bamb's attack was sucsessfull and it caused the hunters to retreat into the forest never to return again. And there was much rejoicing.