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The Matrix

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Santiago Productions Presents...

The Matrix!

Starring...

Neo...........................Andrew

Morpheus...................Santiago

Trinity.............................Corky

Syther...................Wez

Dowser......................Scott

Tank...............Josh

Switch...........................Billy

Apok...........................Pablus Maximus

Switch...........................Uncle Pablo

Mouse...........................Ian

Oracle...........................Pablo

Guy who Buys Disk...........................Josh S.

His girlfriend...........................Whitney

 

A ringing tone is heard as the screen remains black.  It rings again.  "Hello"  "Hi may I ask who this is."  "This is god.  Is this 555-8792?"  "No this is 555-8729."  "Oh, sorry to inconvenience you."  "No problem."  Click.  Another phone rang.  "Yeah."  "Is everything in place?" "You weren't supposed to relieve me."  "I know but I felt like taking a shift."  "You like him don't you.  You like watching him don't you."  "Don't be ridiculous he's an ugly albino martinican geek."  "We're going to kill him, you understand that?" "Morpeus believes he's the one." "Do you." "It doesn't matter what i believe."  A small mechanical noise came in the background "Did you hear that?" "What?"  "Are you sure this line is clean."  "Of course I'm sure."  "I'd better go."

Santiago pictures presents.....

The Matrix

    A dark hallway with dimmly lit lights appeared.  Four police officers moved down the hallway with their flashlights and guns up.  It looked very similar to the scene in Middle School Adventure with Josh, Scott, Frank, and Corky moving down the dark hallway.  The police man came to a cornor.  He peered around and gave the signal to follow.  The officers came to a door.  The head officer gave the signal that it was the one.  The officers readied there pool noodles as an officer ran to break down the door.  He slammed against the door, bouncing of and landing on his back, "Let's try that again."  He ran up and kicked the door down.  They ran in and put their lights on a woman against a wall of the dark room.  The woman was wearing all black and sitting in front of a computer on a table.  "Put your hands in the air!  Do it!  Do it now!"  Meanwhie back outside the building several police cars were in the middle of the road with police officers all around them.  A black limosine pulled up.  Three agents stepped out wearing dark sunglasses and black suits.  The lutenant murmered, "Oh shit."  The agents looked like the blues brothers.  "You were given specific orders lutenant."  "Yeah, well i was just doing my job."  He took a bite out of a donut.  "Your oders were for your protection." "If you give me that jurismydiction crap you can shove it up your ass.  Oh!  You ate all that and a bag of potato chips."  The agents began to walk away.  I sent three units (This is very odd because 3 units equals 4 guys) they're bringing her down now"  "No luitenant...your men are already dead!"  Bum Bum Bum. 

            Back in the base ment the police officers approached the girl with handcuffs.  With her hands over her head she slowly opened her eyes.  She spun around and broke the officers arm.  She then kicked a chair up into another officers face.  Another officer shot at her but missed because she ran along the wall and grabbed onto his arm.  She used his gun to shoot the officer and then kicked him down.  The officers lay on the ground.  She picked up a phone, "The line was traced."  "Duh!"  "I need an exit."  "There's on at wilson lake."  "Are there any agents."  "Nope, unless, oh, there's one, oh and one there, and another, and another, yeah your screwed.  Don't worry you can make it!  You can do it, nicoret can help."  With that she hung up and exited the room just in time to see an agent getting out of the elevator on the end of the hall.  She turned and ran.  She climed up a fire exit on the roof.  As she was running across she was handed a gatorade.  She poured it into her mouth and dropped it.  She then came to some hurdles and jumped over them.  The agent was close behind.  After he got over the hurdles he handed the baton to another agent.  They then came to the long jump.  The woman jumped over a street onto another building.  She hid behind a wall.  The agent landed on the other side of the building too.  He cocked his gun.  The woman saw a window across another street.  She ran and jumped into the window rolling down a flight of stairs and pointing her guns back at the window.  "Get up!"  She ran out into the street in time to see a garbage truck screetch to a halt.  She saw a payphone ringing.  The garbage truck drove towards the payphone.  The girl ran foward and anwsered the phone the truck was driving closer and closer.  "Please insert 45 more cents for this call."  She stuggled to get change out of her change purse (a very manly thing) and put it into the phone.  The garbage truck smashed into the wall nocking the payphone down.  Three agents stood over the wreckage.  One agent turned to the camera, "Next time dial 1-800-Collect for collect calls!" 

            A man sat at his computer with music CDs, including Pablionata and the rockin turtles, all over the table.  He was asleep.  His computer was searching the internet and newspapers.  All of a sudden the screen turned black.  The screen began to type, "Wake up Neo..." The man woke up, "What?"  "The Matrix has you."  He pressed esc and nothing happened.  He then kicked the tower leaving a dent in the computer.  "Follow the green turtle.  Knock Knock Neo."  "Who's there?" "Ken" "Ken who?" "Ken you let me in!"  Neo laughed at the computers joke but he was cut off by a knocking at his door.  A man was at the door with his girlfriend.  "Your late."  "Yo, Yo, I was bumblin south style comin down from the rabbits eye with the fool dig-"  "Stop trying to speak jive" "Okay, do you have the disk."  "Wait one moment.Neo went and got the disk.  "Here it is, How to fit into society: An interactive guide."  "Your my savior man! Hey you look a little tired."  He turned to his girlfriend, "Do you think we should take him to the discotech with us?" She looked at him, "Defiantly."  "I don't know."  He then saw the green turtle tattooed to her arm, "Actually, I'll go." 

            Music blared as people with chains and spikes danced around on the dance floor.  The Santiago discotech was the best place to dance.  Jack was singing on stage.  Neo stood in a corner watching.  A man ran up on stage and grabbed jack ripping his zipper.  Secret service were all over the place.  The woman in black walked up to Neo.  "Hello Neo."  "How did you know my name?"  "Your name tag helped."  Neo looked down <Hi! I'm Neo!>. "Oh." "I'm Trinity."  "The trinity?  The one who hacked into the FBI files?"  "That was a long time ago."  "You were good kid, real good, but as long as I'm around you'll only be second best." She whispered in his ear, "I know why your here Neo, I know why night after night you sit at your computer and hack the mainframe.  Your looking for him Neo.  It's the question that drives us."  Neo heard a loud buzzing.

            He woke up realizing that the buzzing was his alarm clock.  He was late for work.  He stood in front of his employer with people washing the windows squeaking outside many floors up.  "Mr. Anderson.  You think that you are special and that the rules do not apply to you.  This is one of the largest soft-" "SILENCE!!!" Neo shouted at the window washers, "continue." "If an employee has a problem, the company has a problem.  Now you are going to have to decide if you want to come to work on time or find yourself another job."  Neo walked slowly to his desk.  A man with a package came.  Neo signed for the package and opened it.  Inside was a cell-phone.  "Neato!  Now this model is compatible with the compact flash 2 slot on my laptops infrared receiver!"  He started pulling wires and fiddling with it when it rang. Bum Bum Bum.  He answered.  "No I don't want to win a gift certificate to jenny Craig!"  It rang again. "Hello?" "Hello Neo." He swung around so as to hide himself and the phone, "Morpheus!" "Yes.  I want to explain but we haven't much time.  They're coming for you Neo." "Who?"  "Stand up and see for yourself."  Neo slowly stood up to see.  He saw a group of clowns coming out of one of the elevators (To do one of those birthday suprises).  "Gasp!"  Now listen and do as I tell you.... A few minutes later the mission impossible music began to play as neo appeared with a sweat band on his head.  He moved swiftly through the complex of cubicles.  He was moving by a copy machine when he was told to go into an office.  "Now use the scaffold to get to the roof."  "There is no scaffold."  "Darn it, I thought i had this down."  "There should be one right about...now!" "Um...no."  "Argh.  I'll contact you later."  "What? Dont leave me.  Damn you Trebek, damn you and your daily doubles!"

            The same group of 3 agents took Neo out of the office and put him into a fancy Lincoln Town-car.

They drove him to a room with green lights and security cameras.  He was sitting in the middle of the room at a white table when the three agents entered.  Two walked behind him while the leader wheeled in a filing cabinet.  "As you can see Mr. Anderson we have been keeping track on you for some time now."  "I sowy?" " We are willing to make a deal with you.  We have been searching for a man by the name of Morpheus.  We will wipe the slate clean if you help us track down a known criminal."  "No, I don't think I can do that."  "We'll throw in a lifetime supply of pop-tarts."  "Alright!  Where do I sign?"  A studio member pointed to his script.  He flipped it open.  "Okay, okay, I can't accept your offer.  But I have another offer, how about I give you the finger and I get my phone call."  Neo was allowed a call which he used to call customer support in Taiwan.  When he got back to the room they held a pop-tart in front of him.  "Can I have one?"  "What good is a pop-tart if you are unable to eat?"  Neo was confused.  He then felt his mouth melting shut.  He ran around grunting and clawing.  The agents got out pool noodles and mattresses.  They pinned him down and took out a small mechanical bug.  The bug crawled into Neo's bellybutton.   

            Neo woke up in a cold sweat in his bed.  He decided to go to the bridge on the river Twai.  He waited under the bridge in the dark while it was raining.  The streets were empty.  A car drove up and the door opened.  Inside was Trinity.  "Hey, head'n my way?"  "Get in."  As soon as he stepped in a girl with white hair in the front spun around and pointed a stuffed lobster at him.  "What is this?" "This is a lobster."  "No, what are you doing."  "We're doing this for our protection."  "From what."  "From the spoon."  "What spoon?"  She smiled.  "Now I'm really confused."  Trinity got out a gigantic machine.  Take off your shirt."  "Why."  The car screeched to a halt and she opened the door.  "Please Neo, we don't have much time.  You've been down that road before Neo, you know exactly where it leads."  "Bob's discount furniture?"  "Well, I mean, never mind."  The car drove away as she closed the door.  Now pull up your shirt.  Neo pulled up his shirt and she put the machine on his stomach.  She aimed the target at the bug.  The mood was tense.  The rain poured down.  "Your going to miss it!"  "No I wont!"  A large clap of thunder echoed.  She pulled the trigger."  Neo's Kidney disintegrated.  "Oops."  She shot again zapping the bug.  Neo was shocked, "Oh my got that thing's real!" 

            They arrived at a large building.  Neo looked up as the rain and lightning poured down.  As they walked through the building Trinity spoke to Neo, "Try to be honest,  he knows more than you think, he has 4 Nobel Peace prizes."  

Neo stepped into the dark room.  The room was old and there was two chairs sitting in the middle near a fireplace.  A man with a long black coat stood at the window.  A clap of thunder sounded as the man turned around.  "Welcome Neo.  You have probably been searching for me for the past few years of your life but I've spent my whole life looking for you."  "I'm lisening..."  The two sat down at the table.  "You are looking for the anwser to a question Neo, do you know what that question is?"  "What is the green turtle?"  "Um...the other question."  "What is the spoon?"  "Nevermind.  I have two pills, the blue pill will end this dream and you will wake up a normal human, the red pill will anwser your questions."  Neo asked for the red pill.  Morpheos gave him a look like french people give when you order food.  "Come with me..."

            He led Neo into a dark room with several other people and high tech eqiptment.  There was a chair in front of him.  He sat down in it.  The twilight zone music started to play.  "Hang on to your seatbelt dorothy because Fiji is going bye-bye."  "That was one of my favorite movies you kno-"  "Quiet!" 

            Neo woke up, but was unable to see.  He was in a tub of slime.  He had many cords going into his body.  "Hey I'm networked!  Cool!"  As soon as he spoke the cords one by one poped out of him and the tub emptied sending him sliding down a slide.  He was then picked up by a giant crane after being knocked unconcious.

            His eyes opened barely.  He could see Trinity and Morpheous speaking.  "I think he's to stupid to be the one."  "I hope not."  "Oh, I think he's awake.  I hope he didn't hear that."  Neo went unconcious again.  When he woke up there were thousands of needles in him.  "I'm a porqupine!  And hey why can I barely see, why are my eyes so..."  "You've never used them before."  "Can I get a pair of cool sunglasses like yours?"  "When your ready..."

            When Neo woke up again he was in a bunk room that was made of metal.  He stood up and looked at himself, "Oh my god!  I'm albino!"  A door opened revealing Morpheous.  "Breakfast!!!!"  The entire crew of the ship ran to the main deck, which had thousands of chords and computer monitors, but Morpheous stopped them.  "We need to introduce ourselves."  Neo and Morpheous walked around the ship.  "This is Tank, Switch, Apok, Doser, Tank, and Trinity.  And the little one behind you is mouse."  "Neo turned around to see a gigantic 8 foot tall zimbabwain standing in front of him, "Holy shit!"  Neo jumped 3 feet in the air.  "Um...lets have breakfast."  They walked into yet another room made out of metal with a long metal table.  Someone went to hand Neo a box of Cereal then quickly pulled it back, "Silly Neo! Trix are for kids!"  "Um where are the poptarts?"  Everybody ignored him.  Later on they took Neo to a chair where he was straped in with metal braces.  "Try to relax."  "Not happening."  Neo all of a sudden was engulfed in white.  He spun around... more white."  When he turned back Morpheous was standing there with the same clothes from when he first met him.  "The year is somewhere around 2100, but to be honest we don't know.  About 100 years ago humans gave birth to A.I."  "Artificial intelligence?"  "Very good.  Computers then started to take over the world and a war broke out.  We dont know what happened but we knew that we were the ones that scorched the sky."  Neo looke up and saw clouds, when he looked down he was in a desert.  "We belived they couldn't live without solar power but we were wrong.  The Matrix is a program to control humans and to use their body heat for this," he held up a battery "The Matrix is also a server for internet backgammon but that's another story."